Ok, here we go. My name is Jenna. I am 28 years old from Mobile, Al. I’ve never done anything like this before, nor have I ever been this open to people about my life. All I ask is that you guys be patient with me and try to understand that this has been super hard for me to come out and write and tell you. Also, I know there are some grammar mistakes in my posts. I am definitely not an English major lol. Bare with me please. Well, let’s get into why I am here…
The whole purpose of me making this blog is to help people. That’s the main goal. To talk to others, hear their stories, and relate on different levels. I want to be able to be as open as possible, and I am most definitely going to be brutally honest. There may at a certain time be topics that are a little bit uncomfortable, or sad, but I am not here to judge anyone. Also, it is definitely not my place to tell you if you are wrong or right. I just simply want to help.
ADDICTION. 1 word, 9 letters, destructive meaning. People who do not know anything about being addicted to something have absolutely ZERO clue about the hell that one word can bring upon someone. I have heard several times from multiple people that it is a form of a ”pity party”, a form of how to get “attention” from someone else; a choice. But let me tell you, it may have started off as a choice, yes that can be correct. I can see where I chose to wake up and put a needle in my arm. I can also see how it can even be a way for some people to get attention. Maybe a guy/girl was doing it and someone wanted to be “cool”, or did it for someone else to like them. But after that one time that I chose to do it, it no longer became a choice for me, it became a demon that I feared would never leave. It wasn’t always that way for me though.
I had a pretty good childhood. I mean my dad was a drug user and he was in and out of prison and jail for most of my life. I really didn’t know him and I had a great step dad who stepped in when I was real young. I had a childhood like most, I played softball year around, my parents weren’t rich but we weren’t poor either. We lived in a pretty nice neighborhood and I was never exposed to drugs, sex, or alcohol. We were very highly active in church, we took trips due to me playing softball, and family vacations when we could due to my step dad working extra night shifts. He was a police officer, my mom managed a restaurant until I was 10 years old, then she became a stay at home mom because she got pregnant with my twin little sister and brother. School was fine for me. I never got bullied, or made fun of. I was the athletic friend to a lot of people. We had our own little “softball click”. By my 9th grade year of high school, I was the only freshman on the varsity athletic softball team. By my 10th grade year I had colleges looking at me. My senior year I was the captain, and signed a scholarship with the local community college. High school was pretty good to me, I didn’t really have any issues. The only “major” thing in high school was that I labeled myself as a lesbian and I was very proud of that and supported it heavily. My parents didn’t agree and we had some arguments here and there about it but nothing really big. My first two years of college were pretty good. I played softball both years and I received my associates degree, and met the person whom I thought I was going to send the rest of my life with. You know, young love, pretty good life, pretty simple huh? After I got my degree I decided to join the military (Coast Guard) and I had my life figured out! You’re probably thinking “how in the world did this girl with a pretty good life end up being a heroin addict”? Well when I joined the military that’s when life started to go up and down like a rollercoaster for me.
I was stationed in Miami, Fl. I was 21 years old, I was engaged and everything was going good. Her name was Brittney. She was everything to me. (so I thought). She was in the Navy and stationed about 6 hours north of me. We saw each other when we could but distance sucked pretty bad. It caused sooo many immature and stupid fights. I guess I didn’t realize how far the fighting and jealousy was pushing her away from me. One day I remember her dad telling me “It’s either my daughter, or the Coast Guard”. He was right. We couldn’t keep going with all of that distance and stuff. Well that’s when an accident happened one day at work that forever changed the outcome of my career. I was sitting at a desk filing paperwork when a very well-known officer came up behind me. He put his arms around me, grazed the sides of my breasts, and down to my stomach. I couldn’t move and I was absolutely terrified. He then leaned down and whispered in my ear these exact words… “I am going to take you to the mall, you’re going to hold your stomach, and you’re going to scream as loud as you can why did you get me pregnant daddy”. He laughed it off and he walked away. He was an older man, late 50s maybe. But when he did that, I freaked out. I went to my higher class and told the story. It went up the chain of command and long story short he was forced to retire and I got the option to get an honorable discharge and go home. Well, I chose to get out. Hoping that it would save my relationship and that I could move forward and that everything would be ok. But things didn’t happen that way. I was taking my final PT test when I got the text from Britt saying that she was done with me. She had found someone else and wanted nothing to do with me. And she meant it. She deleted and blocked me and had literally nothing else to say. Boom, just like that. I went crazy! She did that 2 days after I signed the paperwork for me to get out. Two days after it was too late to stay in and try to get over the accident. I guess you could say I went into a deep depression.
1 month later, I returned home. I felt stupid, sad, a failure. I told myself over and over again that I was so stupid, and that I could have gotten over all of that and been ok. That I chose a girl over myself. I had no clue what I was going to do. That is when the drugs started to play in. I went back to college,but I really didn’t care. I dated here and there but I was never fully into the relationships. Pain pills were introduced to me, and I liked them. At first it was just an every now and then thing. Me and my friends would take them on the weekends or whenever. As the years went by, my friends would take them and put them down. Me on the other hand, I would sneak some here and there. I knew I was doing a lot more than them. And I loved the feeling they gave me. At first it started off with just lortabs, percs. I was working small jobs, and at this point I became a career college student because my ass couldn’t stick to one major and I hated school so my grades we not that good. I just didn’t care. All I wanted to do was get high. To me I lost my future.I gave it up. And it was very obvious. I lost friends, me and my parents absolutely ruined that great relationship between us. I became numb. When my tolerance grew, I had to get stronger pills. Thats when I was introduced to Roxy’s. From the first time I snorted a Roxy 30mg, my life changed forever. I fell in love. I told people around me that I had a girlfriend named Roxy, and that she was the only girl who never broke my heart. By age 24 I was using every single day. I was becoming dope sick without them, and the friends I had were definitely users as well. I remember the first time I ever used IV. I shot up a morphine 30. I would use IV every blue moon, but I enjoyed snorting my pills better. I knew that I enjoyed them way too much but I would tell myself that I didn’t have a problem because I worked, had money, wasn’t homeless, I wasn’t what your typical “junkie” was referred as.
I wish I would have stayed that way. Just when I thought I had hit rock bottom, little did I know my life was about to take the biggest turn of all.
Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton
(Veterans Day I went and got some food for the fam)
The page where I got the original writing is Karenwritesmurder . I didn’t want to not give her page credit. Thank you for sharing.
Addicted Angel 